God is Dead

So this first post might be a little weighty for some readers, but get over it. I don't really care what your opinions are, mine are right. If you feel so vehemently opposed to my ideas that you must express yourself in some bumbling, incoherent form of outrage, use the little comment box to leave me a heartfelt message about your beliefs and how I've offended you and I'll be sure to highlight some good points and ridicule you in a future post. Now, with that housekeeping taken care of, on to business...

After a quick perusal of my household bible, I've come to find an important hypocrisy for all you practicing Christians out there--God is dead. That's right, dead. Turn with me now to Exodus 20:4 as I give you the most enlightening sermon you have ever read.

The certainty of God being dead can be explained in three easy to understand logical bullets:

1. God is jealous. Not sometimes, but all the time. All day, every day, God is up in heaven being one jealous dude. His words, not mine. (Exod. 20:4). What is He jealous of? The time that we spend thinking about things that aren't Him. Does He desire that we spend more time with Him and not doing things that take time away from Him? Yep, even to the point of genocide for people who aren't devoted to Him. (Exod. 20:4).
2. Jealousy is a sin. Ok, so this isn't explicit in the bible, but with a little interpretation it becomes pretty obvious. Exodus 20:17 says that thou shall not covet. Jealousy to the point of murder (see the first bullet) is coveting. Therefore, God Himself admits that He sins within 13 verses of the second book of the Bible. Not off to a very good start Mr. Yahweh.
3. The punishment for sinning is death. Romans 6:23 tells us that God is dead, seeing as God admitted that He sins right from the start of this so-called "holy book", (which could in fact be the best mind-control phamphlet ever compiled) and then asserts that sinners get punished with death. Seeing as Christians are more inclined to believe the New Testament than the Old Testament anyways, it would appear as if Romans 6:23 is the final word on this conundrum. God got the death penalty for his sins.

See? Problem solved, query answered, paradox explained with irrefutable evidence. God is 100% most assuredly dead.

Now that we've established this point, fixing the World's problems falls to us. Go ahead and pray for peace all you want--until you practice what you preach and fully espouse love, understanding, and tolerance for all, peace won't happen. The responsibility is on us, not some dead guy in the sky who might respond to our "prayer" requests if perhaps, maybe, we go without food for a month and then drink some wine, eat some bread and all get together to ask for the same thing from a statue hanging on a wooden cross. But then again, maybe I've got it all wrong and I'll be struck down for my blasphemy by the vengeful, jealous God who's commanded so much of the World's attention, energy, and oh yeah, finances. If so, then I wish all of you wonderful lives (and afterlives). If not, then I'll be writing more blog posts soon to help clarify any other confusion ya'll might have about life.

Til then,
Peace and Love